I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
