Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
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All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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