They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
