There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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