Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
