I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
