Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
please come you make the beer taste better
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
