I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
