Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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