I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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