Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I stole a fireplace last night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
