I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
do nipples grow back?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
