I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
