any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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