so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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