Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
