I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
