i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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