when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
