im about as happy as oj after his trial
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
