Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
