well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
