Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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