3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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