You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
its liver damage thursday
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
