Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
