i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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