i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
