the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
