She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
