Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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