I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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