All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
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I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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