where am i from again
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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