Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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