I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Reggie can tackle my bush.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm having to shit out rocks
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
