dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
