She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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