And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
