Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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