We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
