I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
