I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
