I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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