i barfeds in our rink
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
