the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
