I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
