she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
only you would photoshop your dick
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
