I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
