if i can run in heels then i can drive
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
