I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
