I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
