There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
