I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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