hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
