new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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