What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When are your genitals available?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
