Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
