im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
