He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
