I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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