oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
