I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
