he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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