But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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