One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
