at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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