I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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