I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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