It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
