We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
