Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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