while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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