you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
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he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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