You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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